I Should Be...

I really should be etiher studying or sleeping instead of posting on this blog. Sorry it has been so long since my last. Life is nuts right now and I really am just trying to hold on.
It is five days until our show and I am so glad that I have something tangible to hold on to. Do you ever feel like sometimes you are just going through life, not looking forward to anything or excited about much, but just going...well, I would feel like that if I didn't have the show.
I hate to get on my blog and be negative. It usually bores people, or just turns them off to you because they feel you are trying to have a pity party. But, honestly, I don't care. I feel like everyone around me is living a lie. Myself included. We are aimlessly walking around looking for something importan, or safe or secure, when it is all going to turn to ash in the end. All we have is Christ and we neglect Him over, and over, and over. We spit in his face. We buy into this lie about what is going to make us happy. We see other people living the lie too, so we think its ok. Makes me sick. I am sick, in fact. Got a headache. We don't follow our hearts, we don't live life to the fullest, we just play it safe. "Got my house, career, car, kids. I'm good" Spit on that.
I graduate in three months and as soon as I do, I'm going to grab one of these things in the picture I'm going to start really living; Living for Him, following my heart and shaking my head at the fools who don't and want to play it safe instead.

life...

Isn't it funny how fast life can change? I look to songs sometimes to help me through situations. Yes, they are mostly country songs but that is why I love country music; there is a song for EVERYTHING. One song that I have listened to a lot is "Startin' with Me" by Jake Owen. The song doesn't fit my situations perfectly but I definetely know how he feels. Another song that has been helping me is "Measure of a Man" by Jack Ingrahm. When I saw him live he started the song by saying how him and his father never had a good relationship. Well, my father and I have a great relationship, and my real dad and I are starting to come along as well, but this is still a good song.
Through all of these things that happen to me, there is an upside: song writing. I have written a lot of stuff lately and I would like to share one of them with you. Enjoy.

Sanctified

(Verse 1)
So here you are at my doorstep this morning
Cryin’ cause you made a mistake.
You played with that line and you got burned just hopin’
It could be for love’s sake

(Verse 2)
Well I’ve had my share of sin and I know
It can really set you back
But its gonna take a whole lot more that what you can do,
To get you back on track.

(Chorus)
So when you feel like the devil’s more than taken his toll
And you’re worried about the price and the fate of you soul
Pick yourself up and look to the word in the sky
And know that the one who put you here ain’t gonna leave you to die…
Sanctified

(Verse 3)
Now I’m not saying that you’re never gonna lose a fight
But the price has been paid we’ve all been cleaned in His sight.
What doesn’t kill ya only makes you stringer more,
We all may lose some battles son,
But He’s already won the war.

Katrina...Two Years Later

I was watching Anderson Cooper 360 last night, a program that I frequent at nighttime, and it was a special edition on Katrina. It has been two years from yesterday that hurricane Katrina hit the Louisiana and Mississippi areas and later hurricane Rita followed. Although, the problem was deemed "the single worst tragedy of natural causes in American history." A fair deduction, but how have we forgotten it so soon? Immediately after the storms aid came from churches, schools and organizations country wide, but thousands of people, children and mothers included are still displaced, living in cramped trailers, waiting for their homes to be built or not to be built at all. The need is still great people.
Habitat for Humanity is an organization that deals with those in need of a new home. The organization has been around long before the Katrina disaster, and it seems that it would be the biggest advocate of the need that is still in New Orleans and surrounding areas. Since Katrina, Habitat for Humanity raised over $141 Million as a whole. What percentage of that money should go to New Orleans? Some would say 40, 50 or 60% and some would even say more. The fact is that New Orleans as only received $14 Million...that's only 10%!!! What's wrong with this picture? They have spent over $30 million on advertising and promotions...that's twice as much money that New Orleans has received. There is a problem here.
I think the biggest problem is not Habitat for Humanity, however. The problem is US! The American citizens that turn a blind eye once the disaster isn't fresh anymore. We don't hold these companies accountable and we don't offer our services or money. Instead we worry about our own homes and how good they should look, when there are those who don't have them. We worry about our families and make sure they have expensive cars when there are children that don't have a room or a desk to do their homework on. We sorry about our vacations, some of them probably consisting of a trip to Bourbon Street, a rocks throw away from people who have nothing! What are we doing? What am I doing?
"To the least of these," Jesus said. I'm such a wretch.

The Band...

So my band has a show on Sept. 29th and through that much stress has been mounting. Between our equipment failure, getting members to show up to practices and trying to make ourselves prepared, tempers have flared and last night was the kicker.
This most certainly was not our first fight as brothers (Josh and I); We spent most of our childhood at each other's throught, on the verge of pummeling one another. However, since we created the band, it seems that it has brought us even closer, almost like a bond that must be their for the sake of something greater than our own egos. Last night showed me though, that this bond does not come without its territory. We were already both cranky, him from work and me from the stress of the upcoming show and Jason, our drummer, was tired from a long day that started at 5:00 am. To make it short, I had to walk away for a few minutes and gather my thoughts. When I came back, I decided it was best for the practice to end a little early and that is when things started getting hot. I voiced to Josh that he was being a jerk, (in not so kind wording) and he said to me that I was being sensitive. Ok, if you know both of us both of these statements are true but last night they were at their peak for both. If a girl had been standing there she might have been a little scared with two large young man in each other's face, but we both knew that it wouldn't come to blows. I left angry, halfway knowing he would call, only because I threatened him with leaving the band. I know, that is not a good thing to say. Anyways, Josh did call, much to my dismay and was very humble which is also uncharacteristic of him. But I know he did it for the sake of the band and how much he does want this to work.
I can't help but be reminded where God is in the midst of this. I don't give this issue to Him because I look at it as MY project that I must make work. I know I need to start letting him intervene, even in this and even if Jason, Josh and Charley aren't where I am spiritually.
Forgive me Lord, for not putting you first in this situation. Have you way with it, whatever it be.
Josh, I love you man, and I do want us to do this TOGETHER. You are my best friend.

Small Group 8/21/07

I finally got the internet at my apartment so I can blog now.
Small Group was really good the other night. There are so many people now and others keep on coming.
I had a pretty good outline set up but most of the conversation was taken up by my good friend Cory Ayers, telling us about his experiences during the last few months. I have to say that is was a little frustrating as a leader, trying to keep things on track with the outline, but the inspiration of his words, that were closer to a testimony, silenced the group as well as myself.
I have known Cory since freshman year when he moved on my hall. If you know Cory, you know he is a little over the top sometimes. But ever since freshman year God has been telling my to put up with this guy and I am glad I did. It is amazing to see his growth as a man. He never ceases to surprise me. I knew that when he went to England on a missions trip this summer that he would come back changed, and he did. Thank you Cory for your testimony the other night. Thank you for being an inspiration to me more than once. And thank you for seeking God continuously every day.

I am really proud of you man.

Baptism 2 - Small Group 8/14/07

I am reluctant to write anything about small group right now because I just got off work and am getting tired. I will, however, push forward, through the sluggish laziness and reflect on what happened last night.
I tried, last night, to begin a practice that has been very apparently lost in translation during this past year: starting on time. All of you other small group leaders out there can probably relate, punctuality begins to loose its important once people begin to become familiar with one another. One thing that spurred me on to re-emphasize this practice was something that pastor Neil touched on at church. He said something along the lines of "If only we could be as punctual to church as we are to our business meetings." It was really funny because it is true. How lackadaisical we become in the presence of such a glorious God. How much we take for granted the opportunities we get to worship Him or study His word. Its funny because there are those who are so serious about being there that they might be 15-20 minutes early and then there are those, well, I guess that don't come at all sometimes. Why can't there be an even medium??? Well...I guess I am done now, but the whole starting on time thing failed miserably last night but I hope that it will get better.
During our discussion time we talked about Baptism, of course and I feel that it went pretty well. I wanted to bring up some verses that others had brought up to me when they found out that I have not been baptized. With these verses, however, it was not my goal to rebuttal them with my own argument; if anything I agree with the verses in the context that they should be understood in. Instead, I was just offering the other side of spectrum, playing "devil's advocate" you might say, something I very often do with my group.
One of the verses was when Jesus was baptized in Matthew Three. John said to Jesus, " you should be doing this to me?" and then Jesus said, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Now, I am no bible scholar, but could Jesus be saying we must do THIS (as in the baptism of Jesus) to fulfill all righteousness? Some would say that he is saying both: that they should do it then and take it as a command. I don't buy it. People don't say one thing and mean two different things. I don't take this as a reason not to get baptized; I just don't think that we should use this verse to backup why to get baptized. Some would say we should do it because Jesus did it and that is good enough. Don't buy that either. Those very same people that say, "we should do it because Jesus did", can't even follow his greatest commandment, "love thy neighbor."
We also talked about the great commission as a verse to back up baptize. I really had to hold it back on that one. The commandment of the "great commission is not to GO, not to BAPTIZE, but to......MAKE DISCIPLES. If we are just going around baptizing everyone with discipleship we are castrating our church and setting it up for failure. That is why I don’t believe in guilting people into getting baptized, as some are trying to do to me :)
I am not trying to sound mean or harsh in my approach, I just want to speak from my heart and to be as real as possible.
I have decided that I do want to get baptized but unfortunately I have decided not to do it at the beach. I want to be a part of what my church does, but I just really feel that these past two sermons and other things that have transpired have all been one big plug to get as many people to do this as possible. Don't like it, don't believe it is right. I still love my church and still want my minister to baptize me but I want it to be genuine and from my heart, not some surrendering compliance.
Blessings.

What if...

What if what you thought you wanted you realized you didn't want at all?
And what if what you thought you didn't want had already built a wall?
What if the things we feel are actually what we know?
And the things we think we know are actually all a show?
A show not meant for the likes of the very ones you love,
But for the pointless and judging minds of a mocking crowd above.

Feelings come and feelings go, but I think this one is staying here...

Baptistm 1 - Small Group 8/707

So last night we had small group at my new apartment. I got a nice fica plant/tree from Andrew and a mystery gift from Josh and Amy. Thanks you guys. During church service last week pastor Neil (or Mr. Neil, as Brad would call him) spoke about Baptism and it was evident from the beginning of the message that it is a subject that he is very passionate about.

I want to thank my small group for the amazing discussion that we had last night. I learned a lot from what all of you had to say and that is truly a great experince. However, I know not all of you love to get into those heated discussion and sometimes would rather just share about life and struggles that we may be going through. I apoligize for not having a prayer and share time last night to those of you and I promise I will try to do a better job in the future of getting deeper and, as Sandals would say it, more REAL.

As many of you discovered last night, I am not baptized and, at this moment, have no intention of doing so. Up until about two weeks ago the issue of Baptism had never crossed my mind nor the many spiritual conversations that I tend to get myself involved in. Because of this the idea of Baptism simply never appealed to me.
A couple of weeks ago I was reading a book by Brian McLaren and he brought up baptism, calling it a "public...ceremonial washing-symbolically expressing your belief that you have previously been dirty and now you are clean." I agree with McLaren that it is ceremonial and symbolic and nothing more. I don't believe that anything super-spiritual or magical happens when one is Baptized. However, I do believe that anything, symbolic or ceremonial, that is intended for our almighty heavenly Father is to be done with the upmost sencerity and commitment, with a worshipful and sacrificial mindset, just like when we are praying or worshiping Him with song on Sunday. He deserves nothing less than our complete devotion. If I was to get baptized this very instant, I don't think that I could honestly say that I was doing so. Although, baptism is a public confession of faith, it is not about the people watching, nor is it even about the one getting baptized. It is about something greater, something that we should be striving for in every action that we take throughout the day (work, school, putting your shoes on) and that is glorifying Him who saved us from our transgressions. On the day that I get baptized I don't want the people who are watching to say, "Wow, look at the man/Christian that he has become." No, I want them to say, "Wow, look at what Christ has done in him. What an awesome God!"